fireinthehole

Vision for Discipleship

2011-08-01T19:16:00.002-04:00

A few folks have asked me to post a paper I wrote for a college class on my vision of discipleship. I warn you its a 8pg. paper and to long for a blog. Feel free to comment if you'd like

Discipleship, the process of a Disciple growing in maturity toward Christlikeness, being equipped for service and learning to minister to others in the body of Christ, is the primary role of the Church in the life of a believer in Jesus Christ. While the goal of every believer ought to be to grow in a relationship with the trinity and look increasingly more like Jesus in every aspect of life; often a misunderstanding of the role of the Church (or lack thereof) in a believer’s life stifles this process. Therefore my vision for discipleship is to, alongside the Holy Spirit, help mend and restore the Church to health; so that the members can be truly and fully discipled; not only for themselves but also for the sake of the world.
Most often, the Churches view of discipleship is in terms of programs, book or bible studies, accountability partners or numbers in participation for varying services and events. A quick search on google.com for the topic of discipleship shows a listing of sites offering options for a Pastor/leader who is looking for discipleship implementation options for their Church. Most of these come in the form of curriculum; used either one-on-one, or in small groups settings. One of the sites that show up first is First Steps. Their concept is for a church or individual to use the curriculum one-on-one with a new believer, but they specify that the discipler must strictly follow the outline sent, and the Disciplers are not to gain in any way from the relationship (even emotionally). In the contract, which both the disciple and discipler are to consent, to it specifies “Your discipler has made a commitment to lead you through this notebook in about ten lessons. Your discipler does not have an obligation to spend more time with you than the ten required lessons.” (disciplinganother.com). Is that really how we would define a discipling relationship within the body of Christ? Meeting ten or so times to go through a workbook together after which all responsibilities and ties can just end, and that person is on their way to maturity in Christ. The church is lacking in the area of discipleship. What is suppose to be the natural outcome and role of the church is missing, and we will not find it through pre-packaged curriculum with strict boundaries, relying most heavily upon Bible teaching and study with follow-up questions.
Discipleship is more than a contract to learn biblical principals and basic doctoral statements; it is more than meeting for a set time for accountability. Discipleship involves a choice to enter into relationship [with Christ] and accept a new way of life, submitting to God through the leading and power of His Holy Spirit. Discipleship is allowing the Church, the body of Christ, to aid in our process. Forming us into His image, and learning our own Spiritual gifts so that we can fulfill our own role with in the church; “until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ… (no longer)… tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine. But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body's growth in building itself up in love.” (Eph 4:13-15 NRSV)
Many of the so-called discipleship methods are actually supplementary or replacements for the true process of discipleship. True biblical discipleship took place within the context of the church and encouraging relationships with other believers in the body of Christ. Heinrich Arnold, in his book entitled Discipleship, affirms the communal aspect of discipleship “The decision to follow Christ must be a deeply personal one. But it can never mean- as someone once said to me, “Only Jesus and I remain.” Discipleship must always be related to one’s brothers and sisters.” Therefore Jesus brings together the two commandments “Love God with all your heart, soul, and being,” and “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Heinrich Arnold, pg. 18)
The 21st century, in which we live, is a great distance from the life and culture of the early first century church and there is some ambiguity of what the early church looked like in function; some speculate they followed the synagogue model. If they did follow the pattern of the synagogue, it was highly modified to include the encouragement of the brethren and the use of the gifts of the body during the service; which were not common practices during the synagogue worship. We find a clear example of this type of church life in Paul’s first letter to the church in Corinth. Verse 26, often under the heading of Orderly Worship, describes a church service in this way: “…when you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up” (1Cor. 14:26 NRSV). Paul then admonishes them with some ground rules for an orderly service. Making clear that God is the giver of gifts but, their use is expected to be orderly and for the building up of the body.
Ephesians 4:12, 13 is often quoted as the goal of Discipleship: “to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ.” If we were pressed to define the goal of Jesus in His relationship with the disciples this passage is fitting. Everything Jesus did with the disciples was to equip them for the work of the Gospel, to mature them, and to build them up and connect them with the Father.
Christ’s call and goal was discipleship. A problem we face today in modern Christianity is that some of our definitions are confused or inaccurate. Today, in the church, it is possible to be “saved” but not be a disciple. Discipleship is like a next step, necessary, but not something to loose your salvation over, so to speak, if you decide not to enter in to it. I would challenge this idea of separating being a Christian from being a disciple. The essence of being a disciple is embedded in following Jesus.
In Matthew 28:19, 20 we read, what we now call, the “Great Commission” that Jesus gave to his disciples, and is carried over to all disciples of Christ. The scripture reads, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Of whom was Christ implying they were to make disciples? They were to make Disciples of Christ, The 12 disciples were to then become the example, and teach the principals that Jesus had taught them.
After the feast of Pentecost, one of the Feasts of the Lord given in the Old Testament, and the falling of the Holy Spirit, the church grew exponentially, Reading through the New Testament epistles we gain a picture of the members ministering to the members, leaders arising and the Holy Spirit calling leaders forth. Going back to the passage in Ephesians four mentioned earlier, it is necessary to read the preceding verses to understand how this growing, maturing, and attaining the full stature happens. Starting in 4:11, Paul describes the gifts, often referred to as the five-fold ministry; “The gifts he gave were that some would be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers”. Why did he give these gifts to some? The answer lies in verse 12 “to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for the building up the body of Christ, until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ”. My study of the Epistles leads me to believe that what we claim as the goal of discipleship is met by the work of the five-fold ministry active in a healthy church. When this happens the “whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love” (Eph.4:16). So the goal of discipleship is met through the church and the body (members) being the body the way it was intended.
My plan is to start in the local church. Every church is different and has members of varying maturity. While there are many churches seeking to emulate the New Testament epistles, updated to the 21st century, others have confused the role of the church. They see its primary function as evangelism, reaching out to the world, and engaging in social justice outreaches and politics. These things are good but they are not the primary function of the church. The primary function of the church and the reason we assemble is for the encouraging, training, exhorting, correcting, and building up of the body, so the body can glorify God and fulfill His work in the world.
Discipleship is the process of growing in Christ-likeness, understanding how God created us, what our spiritual gifts are, and how they fit into the working of the body. The purpose of this is for the encouragement of the body and leading those who do not believe toward becoming disciples of Christ. This is the natural outcome of a healthy church functioning with the five-fold ministry in place, and every member fulfilling their part.
I understand that it takes time for a church to grow through this process and correct things that may be out of line, but each church needs to allow God to show them where they are and what their next step is in the process of moving toward health. Teaching is needed as the body makes the transition from looking to a staff for everything to realizing and functioning as a body.
My prayer is that instead of coming up with more supplemental programs and ideas designed to meet a need we work at correcting the underlying problem in the church so that we function as God intended. I know the task is daunting but I am not willing to follow another plan to make up for the lack of follow through on Gods plan in the church and for discipleship.
See Appendix A for teaching/training point for guiding the church towards health.

Appendix A
Considering the uniqueness of each church, below are a few areas of teaching or training points for within the local body to help grow a church back to a place of health to ensure the discipleship of the body.

The Purpose of the Church

Many believers and corporate bodies do not understand the true purpose and function of the church, as well as the necessity and goal of our meeting together. Some Christians believe the purpose of our church service/worship is reaching unbelievers; others believe it is solely for teaching and musical worship. The reality is that the church is a living organism and multi-faceted, but is not suppose to be dominated by one person. The body needs to work together under the authority/leadership of the Church (Most often a Pastor and leadership team). This is a foundational point of teaching within a body, if it is the role and function of the church, and our meeting together, to lead us in discipleship then this is a crucial point.

The Believers Role in the Church

It was never intended for the believer to be a passive recipient; attending for a brief time of worship and a sermon then going about their daily life. The Church is a beautiful living organism, a community of family members with Christ as their brother and the living God as their Father. In Ephesians, we see that as each part (member of the body) works together properly it promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love. In our independent society we tend to believe we can do it on our own, we do not need the church, other believers, or anything else involved in our spiritual walk, we can talk to God on our own. Others may not go to that extreme but are willing to be passive listeners in church; most not even knowing that the church can not grow with out them, all believers, fully invested and apart. God has uniquely created each individual and bestowed spiritual gifts upon them to serve the body and aid them in their ministry.

God Speaks

While this seems like a basic point, the reality is God speaks to us in many ways. If we are to function as a body when we meet together, and use the gifts God has given us (teaching, encouraging, exhorting, correcting, prophecy, etc.), then we need to understand that He does speak, and we can hear Him. The next step is to learn to do/say what he leads us to do and say (under the authority of the headship of the Church).

God Gave (spiritual) Gifts.
In 1 Cor.12: 4, 7 we read that there “are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit… But to each one is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good”. While we all have spiritual gifts from God, the goal is that each believer not only knows their gift, but also receives training in their gifting and uses it for the edification of the body and the growing in maturity of its members. Reading chapter 12 in full we understand the larger picture of every member playing their part is what is the common good for the body.
The Five-Fold Ministry
Many churches are lacking or opposed to the five-fold ministry working in the local body. Most Pastors and churches are ok with the role of Pastor, Teacher, and Evangelist. The problem comes when we start talking about the role of Apostles and Prophets. In part, this is due to confusion on these two roles and their function in the church, but it is also due to a misuse of gifts on the part of some that have hurt the body and caused wounding. The reality is that each of these gifts are necessary and needed for the church to be healthy and function properly but those who are called to these gifts need to be trained in how to use their gifts, given a safe environment and open to correction. The purpose of the five-fold ministry is not to dominate the people or “rule” the Pastor (as many Pastors fear will happen). The five-fold ministry is always to submit to God and to the local church, working in love and for the sold purpose of building up and training the body.
Personal Discipleship
When we look at discipleship today and outline what needs to be involved for a relationship to be considered a discipling relationship, the things that come to mind should be natural parts of our Christian relations. My relationships within the body currently are discipling relationships as well as friendships. None of us sat down and said we are going to hold each other accountable, be honest and open, read the scripture together and sign a contract to so for the next three months, but we all were taught what it meant to be a true friend and member in the body of Christ. With that in mind we naturally hold each other accountable, seek honesty and openness in our relationships, pray together and for one another and set up times to study the word.

Loud scary storms and the character of God

2011-07-20T23:30:00.003-04:00

This past week we had a particular loud storm. It was in the morning, my kids had just finished breakfast and I managed to convince them to get out of their pj's and into clothes for the day. The sky turned really dark and the wind began to pick up. As the rain came down hard and thunder began to roll my kids got scared. At one point, I was folding laundry while the kids played on the floor and thunder roared so loud I jumped off the couch which did not help the kids calm down at all.

As I walked into the kitchen to see what things looked like out front, I became aware of the thoughts circling through my head: "I wonder if a tree is going to fall?", "I wonder if it will fall on the car?" I love my car, what would I do stuck at home with out a car?" Does our insurance cover tree-storm damage?" "How long would it even take to file... would we get a renter?"... and the sorry list went on for another minute until I finally caught myself in the act of mistrust.

I repented quickly and went into the living room to talk with my kids. They were still very afraid and both wanted me to hold them. I looked them in the eye and asked them to tell me what they knew about God. Is God good or bad? They answered that He is good. So I asked them if we could trust God, to which they said, Yes! So I reminded myself as I told them that I agreed, God is good and we can trust Him always, no matter what. So no matter what happens during the storm, God is always good and we can always trust him. It doesn't matter how loud the thunder is or if a tree falls on my car God is good and we can trust Him.

You see, I want my kids to know, deep down, that the character of God is NOT dependent upon circumstances. God is good whether the tree falls or stands it ground. We can trust God whether we are safe or injured. God is not defined by our experience in a fallen world.

I hope they got it, I hope I got it. I think they got a piece of it at the least, because after our little chat they decided to sit on the couch, snuggle under a blanket, and read to each other. There was no more screaming, crying or begging to be held immediately. They just patiently waited for the storm to pass.

So often in our life it is easy to define God based on our human experience but that is a backwards way of looking at it. You can't start with people or creation and define God you must always start with God. Then you can clearly interpret people and the creation.

So I remind myself regulary: God is ALWAYS good and We can ALWAYS trust Him!

My Plan of Evangelism...

2011-05-24T15:19:00.001-04:00

In a class on Evangelism and Discipleship the Professor asked us to write out our plan of evangelism. In it we were to include our testimony, what type of situations we would set up or seek out, how we would present the Gospel, and how we would answer the common questions or problems that people raise regarding Christianity or God. In my paper I followed none of these steps. I have no clue what my grade will be but I had to be honest to my true plan of Evangelism which is a living a life permeated with God. Below is the paper I submitted. Please read it, ponder over it and let me know what you think. You may think I am way off... and that is fine, just please share why and share it with love.

My Plan of Evangelism

We all have a story; we may see our story as starting at different times, some in their childhood, some in their teen years and some not until later in life. Whether we realize it or not our stories began long ago, our stories are just one in a line of many all pointing to the same conclusion. From the beginning of time, all of creation has pointed toward Christ’s coming, redemption, and parousia, and every person born is a part of the Big Story of God. Whether an individual is a believer or unbeliever they are apart of Gods Story. As believers, God calls us to witness to those who have yet to enter a loving relationship with the Father and accept the gift of salvation offered only through His son Jesus Christ.

Just as every person is apart of God’s Big Story, we each have our own individual stories, which are valuable to God and to our fellow man. It is easy to think of our story as swallowed up in Gods story, while this is true it is not to the neglect of our individual story. All of our stories point either toward Christ or away from him. In the process of evangelism, God is asking us to share His Story, the good news of the Gospel, with our fellow man. Sometimes this will involve sharing our own personal story as well, and at other times, our story may not enter the conversation, or may come later in the relationship (if one develops).

Our individual stories are long and often when sharing the Gospel the Holy Spirit may lead us to share a certain part of our life while leaving out other aspects of our story. I am only twenty-eight years old and yet I have been able to share parts of my story with those close to three times my elder as well as with little kids. Obviously, I did not share the same content. My regular prayer to God is that I would be open to the leading of His Spirit at every moment of every day. I cannot plan when a conversation with my neighbor will lead to a prayer or when it will stick to the topic of gardening but God is more than aware and He is already at work on others and on us. He is aware of the process of the person we are talking with and He is more than confident in His leading us in what to share and how to share it.

Learning to listen to and understand the voice of God, as well as responding with obedience, are the first steps in my plan of Evangelism. The Holy Spirit is our helper and our guide, as I learn to listen to the Holy Spirit I see regular trips to the supermarket becoming God-encounters, and at other times they are simply trips to the supermarket. The reason this is such a valuable step and part of my “plan” is that it puts all the pressure back on God. It is not my job to save people, to come up with what to say, to convince them etc. My only job is to be submitted to God in love, walking in obedience. This does not rule out the need for preparation, on the contrary, as we read in 1 Peter 3:15 we need to “always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence”.

For this reason another part of my plan of evangelism is to be in the habit of studying scripture. I do not mean to study only the parts of scripture that refer to some form of evangelism but to be in the discipline of studying. God can and does speak to us through his word. If we store up the words of God in our heart we give Him more to pull from when we reach certain circumstances. If I am witnessing to a woman, all the while praying for direction, and God brings to mind the story of the encounter between Jesus and the woman at the well I would then ask God how that applies to this woman and how I can use that in sharing Christ with her. Knowing the word also helps when people have problems with God and Christianity or if they have trouble understanding God or the ways he acted in scripture. One of the common responses of unbelievers toward the thought of God is “what about the Old Testament? Is that the same God? He did a lot of mean and violent stuff to people and I could not follow a God like that”. Our understanding of scripture and how God reveals His character and His principals, through the compliment of both testaments, helps clear up those misunderstandings and show unbelievers that there is one God and he is all good, all loving and all just all at the same time and never to the neglect of an aspect of His character. Our study of scripture also serves to aid us in our understanding of God and His ways. The more we understand, the more we can share with others who do not believe. The Bible teaches us how to walk in Christ likeness, how to minister, how to teach, how to love and so much more. As we learn these things, our very life will be the fragrance of Christ both to those who believe and to those who are perishing (2Cor2:15).

Another part of my plan of evangelism is to stay up to date on what is happening in our culture as well as around the world. It is important as believers to not live in a bubble. We are to live in the world but not to allow the ways of the world to guide us. We are to remember that while we live in the world we are citizens of another realm. But, we are still to be in the world. Much of what is happening today (and in history for that matter) is a great source of grief and misunderstanding for those in the world who do not know God. There is so much devastation, pain, poverty, crime, and pure evil for an unbeliever to understand or even believe that there is a good all-powerful God who created this world and who still holds all power.

Some of the problems and question unbeliever have today relate to the events in Haiti, New Orleans, the surge of tornado’s and hurricanes, the unrest in the Middle East, revolutions, wars, famine, sex-slavery, selfishness and list goes on and on. The common question is that if God is good, loving and all-powerful he could do something about all this, but evil and pain continue, so either there is not a God or he is not a God I want to follow. We do not want to be unaware of the struggles of our fellow man but we want to be able to approach the situations of the world from a higher perspective. We do not have all the answers, we cannot say why certain things happened or if it was judgment or just nature. We do not understand why some people are protected and others suffer or die. We may never have these answers for a hurting world but we do know God, we know the story of how he created and intended the world to be and we know what set things in a different direction, the fall of man and handing over of this world to the enemy of God. But, we also know Gods plan of redemption, we know the hope of the story in the coming of Christ. We know and can communicate the love of God that was demonstrated to the world in the sending of His Son, the death of His Son and the resurrection of His Son by the very power of God. We also know Gods plan for the future, for us to realize in the natural the full reign of God over everything. Hebrews 2 tells us: “’you have put all things in subjection under his feet’. For in that He put all in subjection under him, He left nothing that is not put under him. But we do not yet see all things put under him. But we see Jesus…” (Heb 2:8-9a). Although Satan is the God of this world, Christ has opened the door for redemption, and all who choose to enter in take part in the kingdom of God. The good news of salvation must be spread to all peoples, to every set of ears born. Gods desire is that all would receive the salvation He has freely offered to all who believe; in actuality we know that many will reject this free gift and the way of life that is a part of a relationship with God.

We need to understand that some, even many, will reject God. It is easy to feel guilty if people we are witnessing to reject the life God has called them to, but we must remember it is not about us. If we are fulfilling the great commission through being led by the Spirit and open to the voice of God in every situation, following through with obedience, then all we need to do is what God tells us to do in the way he tells us to do it. In this way, although it will break our heart if people reject the Gospel we must keep our focus on God, allow him to correct us if we did make a mistake and trust that he loves the lost far more than we do and he is working to lead them toward him.

Another part of my plan is honesty. By honesty, I do not only mean not lying but also not withholding certain things for the sake of getting a yes from people. I have heard people teach that in evangelism you pretty much are not suppose to say anything hard, say nothing about lifestyle change… Jesus accepts people just as they are right? This avoidance of the ‘hard things’ is thought to be based in Love but really it is based in self and not the love of God. Jesus said many hard things but he was always right in what he was saying and in his motivation. My goal is not to purposely turn people away but I also will not shy away from hard things if the Spirit is leading me to share those things. I remember hearing a preacher once say, “what you win them with, you will have to keep them with”. This has always stuck with me and been apart of my plan of evangelism. If we ‘win’ people with a prosperity gospel what will happen when hard times come? Will they have a strong enough relationship with God to stick it out and grow in the midst of what is happening? What if God wants us to tell people to leave all they have and fully submit to Jesus as Lord, that there life will no longer be there own, that they will be giving up all right to control their own life? These are things many would never say to an unbeliever, out of fear or man or fear of turning them off to the gospel, but are not these principals involved in following Jesus. The beauty of these hard sayings is that we are not just giving up control and throwing things to the wind, we are giving complete authority to the creator of the universe, who has a perfect perspective of how things are, is completely loving and good and has only our best in mind. We are choosing to admit that we do not know how things are suppose to be, that we are prone toward selfishness and carnal desires but we are wiling to put our trust in one greater than ourselves.

I know many will have questions about Christianity but I also do not have a set answer for these type of questions. Through out the gospels we see Jesus giving answers to questions the Pharisee’s did not seem to ask, or addressing what people were really thinking but not willing to say aloud. Different people have asked me the same question but, each time I answer, it is different. People are asking questions for a variety of reasons, some out of anger, or hurt, some out of cynicism or pride. We do not know where the question is coming from but God does and I trust that he will lead me in addressing the questions that he allows people to bring my way. This, plus being faithful to study scripture, culture, and other beliefs leads me to answer the same question in many different ways. Most often, I find peoples questions are not really about the specific details they are asking about but are about principals. Through study of scripture and time spent in relationship with God we can understand the principals he has laid out and communicate those to people who are seeking.

My main step in my plan of evangelism is in being overwhelmed by the love of God for me and the world, and asking to Him to continually open my eyes to see from his perspective. As we become increasingly devoted in our love toward Him and throw ourselves into understanding Him and demonstrating Christ-likeness in our everyday life, evangelism will pour out of our whole life naturally. No area of our life will be closed off to evangelism but everything from our prayers, marriages, families, daily ‘chores’, and errands, purposeful encounters and everyday life will be permeated with openness to evangelism as the Spirit leads and directs. Moreover, we can trust that God desires the lost to receive salvation even more than we do and He is able to lead us to fulfill our role. All we have to do is walk in humble submission and obedience, leading with love.

Statement of Faith

2011-04-19T22:03:00.003-04:00

As an assignment for a theology class at school I was asked to write a personal statement of faith on some assigned key theological topics. Below is what I came up with up... this is not fully conclusive as I am still in process and developing in my understanding of the things of God.

Harmartiology

Humanity was created in the image of God and declared good. At the fall, in mans act of disobedience and lack of trust in God, sin entered humanity and man immediately knew that something changed. Everyone now born, is born into sin. Although we are not culpable for the sin of the primeval couple, our nature is corrupted and we become culpable on our own account.

Soteriology- Atonement

At the fall of mankind, sin entered, and death through sin. This death was more than a physical event, it was a spiritual one. Humanity was separated from their creator and had their perspective of God marred. God is his great foreknowledge, before the world was even created had a plan to restore humanity back with their creator. Jesus Christ was this plan, he is the author and finisher of our faith. It was the whole process of the incarnation that made a way for mans atonement. Christ’s coming, sent by God, his life, death, resurrection and ascension made a way for us to be restored back to the Father. Christ did not merely appease an angry God or play a trick on Satan, and it was not just the death of Christ that made a way for our atonement but every aspect of the incarnation.

Soteriology-Process

The process of salvation, though not specifically listed in scripture, is that God is at work by his Spirit drawing the individual; the individual has an opportunity (or opportunities) to respond to God. In this way, salvation is both a gift and a task. It is primarily a gift from God but each individual must respond by accepting Gods gift through faith.

Sanctification

I believe sanctification is an ongoing process of the believer, moving toward maturity and holiness to the full stature of Christ. This process begins at salvation with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit continues this work as the believer continually submits to God. Sanctification is not the means of salvation but the fruit of salvation.

Ecclesiology

There is one true spiritual church, represented on earth through local bodies. The local church consists of those members who join together confessing faith in Jesus Christ and commit to the process of growing in maturity to the full stature of Christ.

The assembling of the believers is a necessary function of the church , encouraging, teaching and building up the body so that each member can fulfill their call and minister to the world.

Church and State

The primary role of the Church is not political but spiritual. The focus of the church at all times should be in glorifying God and building the body of believers to fulfill the great commission in spreading the gospel and disciplining believers. In matters of the state the church can and should influence wherever possible, but always as secondary to their primary goal. Every interaction or influence between church and state must be Spirit led and not personally motivated.

Individual Eschatology

I believe that since the resurrection of Christ, upon death, the individual enters either heaven or hell, depending upon the choices made during their life. If they choose to put their faith in Christ and believed in him they will be with the father, if not they will be in hell. There was an intermediate state before the resurrection of Christ, now there is no more intermediate state. During this time, the believer is also awaiting their resurrected body, which they will receive at the second coming of Christ. Upon the second coming of Christ and his victory over darkness, those who believe will spend eternity with the father in the new earth. Those who did not believe will spend eternity separated from God.

Corporate Eschatology

The universe will be restored (either through recreation or restoration) when Christ comes again in triumph. The church will be gathered with him, then he will come in judgment against Satan and his followers. Christ will realize the victory accomplished on the cross as all things are visibly under his feet. Eternity is sealed, those who were in unbelief are cast with satan and those who believed spend eternity with the father and experience the new heaven and the new earth.

These are my current views based on my current understanding of scripture. There are some gaps due to the fact that I am in process and would rather leave gaps that declare something I am unsure of. Portions of this statement may change over time but not in key biblical principals.

It could happen to us...

2011-03-01T16:00:00.004-05:00

I was sitting at my kitchen table today with a fresh cup of coffee, studying for some classes while my boy played outside. This is the first somewhat warm day (and by warm I mean 42 degrees), and he has been going crazy cooped up inside all winter. As I watched him play, pretending, seeing how far he could get his bike to go on one push...I was struck with his innocence. His smile so sincere and playful. At the same time I was hit with the reality that hundreds of thousands of little children his age are taken from their family, have their innocence stripped, and are forced into the sex-trade or slave labor all over the world; including America.

In that moment I felt that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach as I thought of the reality of my boy forced to do things he did not want to, surrounded by people whose sole purpose was to exploit him. I could not take my eye's off of him... As tears began to flow I was also hit with the reality that it probably will not happen to our family, but it will happen so many others. So many children, especially in Asia, are taken from their families or are willingly given up by their families who think they are giving their children a better life and do not know the real intentions behind the scenes.

Everything with in me wanted to change the subject mentally but I could not. I wanted to forget what I knew and pretend for another day that it did not exist. But I could not. God was putting His finger on something. I do not know what to do with it... I do not know what He wants me to do with it... but I know that He does not want me to forget! He wants me to remember those children and those children who are now grown up who have been so wounded by people who are themselves broken.

I realize it may never happen to my children but it is happening to Children all over the world and they are God's children. If He calls me to rescue them, I will! If He calls me to spread the word, I will! If He asks me to give all my money to the cause, I will! And if He asks me to simply remember them and pray for them, I will and I pray that He will help me remember!

A Poem...

2010-09-10T19:38:00.000-04:00

Roses are Red

Violets are blue

But this is a statement proven untrue

Roses are Red

but also yellow orange, and pink

So there are some things that we must rethink

The world is not concrete

As we would like it to be

Some things come easy but nothing is free

Things we have learned

are proven untrue

so we must relearn them and learn them anew.

"You are my Sunshine"

2010-08-02T16:02:00.004-04:00

Every now and then, alright just about daily I serenade my kids... anything from personalized nursery rhymes to songs made up on the spot. I find myself changing many songs simply because they are horrible! For example, I was singing to my daughter a popular little tune when she was a baby "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, Please don't take my sunshine away'. While singing I thought "How sad is this song" So I changed the words.. to "you are my sunshine, one of my sunshines (I have two kids:), "You make me happy when skies are gray, I hope you know dear, how much I love you, I'm so glad your my sunshine today!" Even though I can not sing very well at all... seriously its horrible, my kids love when I sing to them. Just a few nights ago, while putting my youngest down to sleep for the night she looked at me and started singing "I am your sunshine, one of your sunshines, I make you happy, skies are gray, I know dear, you love me, I'm your sunshine... todayyyyyyy. I started to tear up on the spot. Not only because she is only 2 1/2 years old or that it was in her tired, soft girly voice, but more because she got it. She knows how much I love her... that she brings joy to my life and she sang it with confidence not with a question. I found myself telling God how I would love to sing to him like that, sing back to him the songs that he sings to me, fully believing them, knowing that their true! No shame, question, doubt or any thing but joy!. I long for the day when I can confidently look to my God and Father and sing "I am your sunshine, one of your sunshines, I make you happy when skies are gray, I know dear, how much you love me, I'm so glad I'm your sunshine today!"

The Cost

2010-02-09T07:45:00.002-05:00

There is a cost to following God through His Son Jesus. In America, we have a skewed idea of the cost of something. We are either willing to pay to much for something worthless or pay not enough for something truly valuable.

During the 3rd c., Christianity had a different story. Christianity had to be practiced in secret, considered illegal and blamed for the problems of Rome, those who believed signed themselves up for a life of persecution, gladly, knowing that it was for the glory of Christ and He is worth it.

Once Constantine converted to Christianity (whether you believe it to be genuine is not the point) everything changed. Constantine converted in 312 and in 313 he signed the Edict of Milan, legalizing Christianity. Now Christians could come out of hiding and practice publicly. Later in 381, Theodosius (Constantine's successor) make Christianity the official religion of the empire. These two events, Constantine's conversions and Theodosius declaration, drastically changed the whole of Christianity. From this point on Christianity went from being a a group of disenfranchised followers to a powerful political tool. Another problem with this even is that in some ways Christianity was weakened. Now that Christianity is legal and the official religion there were mass conversions, many of which were not legitimate, and powerful people converted simply for political gains.

These changes within society and the church led to the growth of the monasteries. Around 530 St. Benedict reformed a former Rule (a detailed way of life for those in communal living/monasteries) adding more grace and humility. Those who joined the monasteries were seeking something deeper, they were tired of what Christianity had become and sought to get back to the roots of Christianity.

SO what is the cost for us today, living in America, following Christ? This country, founded on the principal of freedom of religion, boasts of a toleration ideal that in practice falls seriously short of its ideals. And yet if one truly desires to follow Christ, walk in humility and love the cost will quickly become evident. The comments from friends and family will start, subtle at first, then escalating. Before long you may be labeled as self-righteous. To be clear there are many who are experiencing "Cost" due to their faith but in reality it is because they are a jerk and treat people harshly and lack grace. I am talking about one who truly desires to follow the precepts of God and show love, not give into gossip, repent after lying etc. Take just one of those and think of the implication. If you were to not only stop gossiping (or strive to) but also stop listening to and even correcting, always in love, those who gossip, what do you imagine their response would be towards you? I experienced this in a former work place where there was much gossip. God convicted me of the 'small' comments I would make and so I repented, apologized to those I had talked about and tried to guard my speech. This part was o.k. with most of my coworkers. When I recognized that listening to gossip was equally as destructive, I began to walk away or try to redirect conversations. This was not accepted to the same degree. People made comments, made fun of me, stopped talking to me at times etc. Later I realized that, sometimes, it was necessary for me to speak up, in a non-condemning way, and look for the real issue that was often under the gossip. At this point I noticed that at times, when I would walk in a room people would stop talking and would not finish their conversation until I left. This was hard until one day another coworker began sharing with me some significant personal problems they were experiencing. I did not understand why they were sharing this with me until they said 'I'm telling you this because I know your the one person here who will not tell anyone else'.

That one event made the cost worth it for me. After that conversation I became all the more diligent to guard my speech and my ears.

So today, as I think through history and the changes within society and the church (which many times are inseparable) I hope to see the thread of human nature woven through and to learn from the cycles of history so that I can do what is right and pleasing to God, hopefully avoiding mistakes that we, the church, have been making since the beginning.

"Don't forget your history nor your destiny"

Bob Marley

Wasting a Lie

2010-01-28T17:43:00.003-05:00

I have been mulling over a situation that happened about a week ago at the store and I still can't seem to shake it. Here's what happened...

I had just finished picking up a few food items at the supermarket and seeing as I only had a hand basket I decided to go to the self check-out line. Every time I have been in this grocery store they have us all gather in one line and then the first person in line moves to the first open check out station. When I arrive there are two men already standing in line, one behind the other. So I join and become the third person in a straight line. Well, it seemed that two of the people already checking out were running into problems with the computer and scanner and a third person had walked off in the middle of an order, leaving everything there, to go get something she forgot. Needless to say the line of three quickly grew to eight when a ninth woman walked up and appraised the situation. Instead of lining up like everyone else had, she decides to start a new line, so there would be two lines splitting between the opening registers. ** I know this may seem trivial but please stick with me** This woman, after getting looks from the others in line asks those of us standing there "Is there suppose to be one line or two here?" Her question was asked in a rather harsh tone and the woman herself looked pretty rough. Well due to the prior statement no one answered her, so I decided to. I told her that it was one line. Then she went off on me. "Do you work here?" "How do YOU know that?" (Hands were waving and voice was raising) Now I could have just told her the truth, that every time I come they have us get in one line and they tell the first person to move to the first open register but I didn't... I looked at her said "I asked" and then she went off on me again. I ignored her at this point realizing, as I should have in the beginning, that she was looking for a fight. Besides I was now the first in line and moved to the open register and started ringing up my few items.

My car ride home was consumed with this incident. I lied, for no good reason to someone I did not know and would probably never see again. Part of me wondered why this was bothering me so much and yet another side of me was grateful that I felt torn with such a 'simple' failure. I was glad that I was no longer o.k. with not telling the truth. I do not say this because I have a history of lying or am a pathological lier or anything, but in the moment, I made a quick decision and it was the wrong one. The other problem was that the situation was over and there was no way for me to correct it with the people I sinned against. I had to handle it solely between me and God. I feet guilty, and not in the little kid sort of way but in a real deep place. The great thing about this stupid moment in time was that it drew me closer to my savior. By the grace of God I do not worry about going out and committing some atrocity (by our societies standards), or a really "big sin" as we tend to look at things, but it was in this little mistake that I say how deep my sin really goes. My sin goes past cognitive decisions, past what I want to do in the moment, my sin overrides what I know to be right and sometimes I give into that Sin. I thank God that he is so much bigger than our sin, bigger than our failures, bigger than the weights we bear in this life. His grace is such that he shows us these shortcomings so that he can root them out of us, if we will let Him. I always want to want to let Him do this.

After leaving the grocery store and driving home, ruminating the whole time on my response in a pointless situation, I walked into our house and the only thing I could say to my husband was "I wasted a lie". I didn't really mean that I wasted one, I was just so surprised with myself that out of all the chances I have to lie I chose to do so over a check out line at a supermarket.

Seeing Family

2009-11-21T07:37:00.002-05:00

I really wish families gathered and flew in to see each other more at birthday's, anniversaries, or 'Aunt's day' at the local elementary school. I would love to fly home (from Indiana to Maryland) just to see a play that my nieces and nephews are performing in at their school or church. Instead I seem to fly home a lot for those horrible family events like funerals and other tragedies . I am glad that my husband and I have been able to work out a way for me to join my family during these hard times so we can all bring comfort to each other. I do hope, in the somewhat near future, I can fly home with my husband and kids just to spend time with my dad and sisters and brothers and all their kids. Take those fun pictures of everyone happy and playing with not so much weighing on their minds.

Maybe one day soon...

Truth?

2009-11-08T17:26:00.002-05:00

Roses are Red
Violets are blue
But this is a statement proven untrue

Roses are Red
but also yellow orange, and pink
So there are some things that we must rethink

The world is not concrete
As we would like it to be
Some things come easy but nothing is free

Things we have learned
are proven untrue
so we must relearn them and learn them anew.

Thank you Linda Howell and Tammy Thomas...

2009-10-06T22:21:00.003-04:00

While in a class, my professor started a sentence on a touchy subject with the line... "don't quote me on this or I'll deny it". Now when ever somebody says that you should get out a pen and jot down not only what they say but the date and time as well. Not really, but what followed seemed to not only shock me but hurt my heart. It was in a class on Leadership and the comment was to the effect of 'A man can work for a woman, a woman can work for a man, a man can work for a man, but a woman can not work for/with other women.' It took me a minute to let it set in. The professor then went on to explain why. I was not angry (like some other women in my class appeared to be), I was not "fuming" as the guy sitting behind me thought I might be... I was actually more hurt. The professor went on to say that through many many years of experience, seeing many women working together and how hard it was for them, that the statement was true and "just the way it is".

In some ways, sadly, I agreed with him. I have seen many groups of women act just as he was describing and it was not pretty and I could not stand it. On the other hand, I have seen many woman, leading strong, with character, confidence, purity, and the heart of God. These women like, Linda Howell, Leader of the Women's division for NLI (Next Level International), a leadership training for women all over Europe and Tammy Thomas Women's Director for NOW women's ministry, both of whom work with many women and do so very well. Now there are problems that arise for sure but not due to the fact that women are working together but because people are working together and people can be messy.

Over all I think the reason this statement hurt so much was because I felt like it devalued these women and many others like them. Statements like these cling to a stereotype and not to the truth. Secondly, it perpetuates the stereotype, not only with men but with women as well which leads to more unhealthy situations because that is what is now expected. Lastly, in this class at a Bible College, in a ministry program, there were some women (including myself) in the class, and the message it sent to these women, who are already leading in some capacity in various ministry positions and are planning on continuing to follow the call of God in that area, is that women can't lead women with out it being a hellish experience and that is just how it is.

The intent of this blog is not to put any bad light on the professor who made this comment, in all honesty I continue to admire and respect this professor. I did need to process why this comment hit me so hard. I also wanted to say yet another Thank You to all of the women I have had the opportunity and honor to serve under or with! Most of my experiences have been positive and have shown me healthy examples of women serving with other women in leadership while demonstrating the heart of God. For that I am truly grateful!

Childlike faith- Samuel was Healed!

2009-09-23T13:30:00.006-04:00

Samuel was healed today! My little boy has experienced the healing touch of God before but was too young to know about it. As a baby he had significant digestive problems. We were unaware at the time that is what the problem was, but my little boy was not keeping most of his food down and was very tiny. When I look back at pictures I see a little alien with a big head and a little body. Samuel lost weight after we left the hospital, as most babies tend to do, the only difference with Samuel is that he wasn't gaining any of the wait back. It wasn't until he was 3 months old that Samuel finally reached his birth weight. We were with him at the hospital and they were doing a test to see if his intestines were tangled up and therefore not letting most of the food pass through his system, but forcing it back up. The test seemed to take forever. We know that there were many people praying for Samuel and that this test would be clean. As the liquid was highlighting Samuel's digestive process it got "stuck". We waited and waited praying that the liquid would move past the 'hump'. If it did not they told us Samuel would need surgery to re-adjust his intestines. We were all praying so desperatly and then all the sudden the liquid rushed through and finished the process and Samuel had no more problems after that. No more spitting up/throwing up 90% of what he ate and that week he finally passed his birth weight and kept growing steadily. We knew that it was a 'God-thing'!

Today... Now fast forward 3 years. This afternoon I was up stairs with Samuel in his bedroom as he was preparing to take a nap. All the sudden he says 'mama I got to potty!' So I told him to go and I would wait for him in his room. Then I hear a loud thud. Samuel say's "my head" and I could tell the screams were on there way so I ran out into the hall, picked him up and swooped him away into my bedroom so that the screams wouldn't wake up his sister who was already asleep. There was silence and then came the wails. I looked at his head and saw the dreaded news. Instead of a red mark or a bump there was a good size indent in his forehead with a red line showing where he ran into the edge of the wall. I immediately held him close and began to pray out loud over him. After about 15 seconds Samuel stopped crying and looked at me. I looked at his forehead and there was no indent, no redness, no bruise nothing! I ran my finger over where I had previously felt the indent and it was smooth. Samuel looked at me and Said "mommy its all better now" I told him "Samuel Jesus Healed you!" and his response was "yea Jesus made Samuel all better, now I get down and go potty Mama" So I let him down and he went potty, then we slowly walked back into his bedroom and Samuel laid down in his bed. We began to pray again before his nap time and we thanked Jesus for healing Samuel and Samuel thanked Jesus himself for making his head all better.

I thank God for his goodness. I have been told my kids doctor all the time "bumps and bruises are o.k. as long as there not too bad but indents are dangerous- especially when the kids are so little". I also thank God that my little boy is becoming aware of the character and goodness of God from the time he is young and I pray that we, that I, am always available to help capture those moments and step out in my Faith mixed with the faith of my little one and see God work.

Thank you God for your provision in my family, for your goodness and care for us. For your attention to the little things and for your gentle, simple reminders of your faithfulness!!!

Amen!

Wholeness

2009-06-11T22:43:00.003-04:00

I have been thinking alot lately about the possibility of growing a community garden on some of the empty lots in some of the rougher neighborhoods in my town. This is something both my husband and I would love to do but know would take a lot of work and other people to get involved. How cool would it be though to be able to give people who are impoverished fresh veggies and fruit along w/receipes that have affordable ingred. so they can eat well. I want to be able to help the whole person. I desire to see people connect with God and learn who He is in truth but I also desire for them to have food in their bellies and not leave hungry. Do I have to choose or can I participate in the Health and growth of the whole person?

'd'

2009-05-31T22:58:00.003-04:00

I work with kids. Partly because its my job and partly because I really enjoy it. Every Sunday morning I get to spend time with a group of 60+ kids and play games, talk about life and engage in some creative ways of learning more about God and experiencing Him as well. We have a very eclectic group of kids that attend; some are from the stereotypical christian middle class type of family, some are from families that look stereotypical but have a completely different reality behind closed doors, some are foster kids, some come every other week depending on if there at their Dad's or Mom's house and some come because we pick them up. One of these kids had particularly touched my heart and tried my patience every time she graces me with her presence.

Today was no different! My little friend [I won't use her name so we'll call her 'd'] often ends up sitting on my lap or trying to sneak out of the room or throw a fit... what ever can draw attention and a hug from the person of her choice. While this can be very trying, especially when you have 60 other kids to think about, I have to come to realize I learn a lot from my encounters 'd'. Today after going and getting her out of a game room and bringing her to re-join the group (which meant that she was sitting on my lap begging for a back scratch) I had to get up quickly to handle a minor computer issue. She, of course, followed my to the computer. Just then another little girl came up to me and asked "why does 'she' get to be special and sit with you all the time and come back to the computer and stuff? (apparently being allowed anywhere near an electrical appliance = awesome in a kids mind) I didn't know how to answer. Kids have this desire for everything to be fair but for them to always get their way. How does that work. If you get your way that means somebody else didn't get theirs so it's not really fair because its not fair for that person. Right?

I was torn because, in a way, 'd' is special, not in a "i love her more..." sort of way but she comes from a very different place. She is only about 8 or 9 yrs old, her mother passed away a couple of years ago while in labor. That is only a small part of the story but for privacy sake that is all that matters for now. I remember sitting in church with my mom when I was little. She would let me sit on her lap or snuggled up close beside her and she would scratch my back. My mom scratched my back a lot...any time I was sad, sick, tired, or just asked she would gently let her fingers glide across my back and I felt so safe and just like the rest of the world melted away and everything sounded muffled. 'd' has no one to do that for her anymore.

Tonight, as I was folding laundry I came across a show that I have never watched and don't even know the name of (Sally Feild was in it) but it was on one of those touching grown-up daughter-Mother scenes where the Mother was reading the dedication on the inside of her daughters new book... it was to her- Mom who taught her how to be strong, how to fight etc... I welled up with emotion and all I could think was "God, I miss my Mom!" I don't get to walk into the kitchen and tell her what I think or ask if she wants to go do something... my kids never got a chance to meet the woman who gave me life and then taught me so much of how to and not to live it.

There are so many Sunday's when 'd' walks up to me and simply says "I miss my mommy" and I just put my arms around her and tell her that I miss my mommy to and then we sit together and I scratch her back.

The Process

2009-05-27T18:03:00.002-04:00

I have heard it said that God is a "one size fits all" kind of deal. I am not sure this statement is true. As I look at the people around me, hear them describe their life experiences, their troubles etc. I wonder why some people come to God and start 'hearing' Him speak to them right away, they have a deep sense of being with God, they are easily able to believe the Bible and see it working in their lives. They experience 'New-Testament' Christianity (not my term but I am at a loss for a better non-cheesy descriptive), they pray and people are healed on the spot, they speak words of truth and see lives change. Then there are the others. Those who truly believe in God and submit their lives to Him and yet they still always struggle, can't give up smoking right away, or their spouse still hates them. They pray and feel like they always hit a brick wall. Why do the majority of Christians I see and talk to you believe but lack experience of what God says that we can experience. I have heard many different answers to this question. Some have said that people, like the one's I am describing, must not actually have believed. If they really did believe they would experience. Isn't that the message we get in scripture? Others say that God deals with everyone differently and we can't all expect things to look the same or always work out. Then there is the Spiritual side, there could be soul ties or generational issues that are inhibiting the full-life. In reality it could be any number or all of the above then some. Still I wonder, why does it happen for some right away and others have to struggle. Part of it is our western culture I am sure, but I am at a loss for how things can be different. For how people can experience life in Christ with joy. I am not discounting the process! I realize that christianity is a relationship and all relationships are progressive. I just wonder why we all have such drastically different experiences when we come to Christ and I trust that God is big enough to know what each of us needs and align things so that it is possible while not forcing us to do anything. That is the blessing and the seemingly curse all at the same time.

The Messianic Declaration

2009-04-11T22:03:00.003-04:00

This will be a little longer because it is part of my term paper for a NT

class. The topic is on the Woman with the Issue of Blood.

Through out the Gospels you find many asking, as it relates to Jesus, who is this man? There is speculation around His teaching, healings, observance of the ritual cleansings and laws (eg. Healing and working on the Sabbath, touching the unclean). Still, there are many healings, teachings and deliverances that attest to His power and authority. So what are we to think of this man? Even His disciples find themselves asking this very question. Everyone knows that He is different than other Rabbis and teachers of the Law but so far, no one is willing to make the leap and say whom He might be. That is until the day Jesus is walking to Jairus house to help his little girl. On the way, there is a woman who not only believes in the miracles this man can produce but seems to see much more. She sees and proclaims that He is the one; the long awaited Messiah of Israel.

We shall start at the beginning to get a glimpse of what is taking place here. Jesus had just left a town, on the request of the townspeople, after calling a legion of demons out of a man, but allowing them to enter a herd of pigs, whereupon they run them into the water where they all drown. Jesus and the Disciples leave by boat, and reaching land are met by a crowd. Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue, sees Jesus and falls at His feet begging Him to come and heal his daughter, who is dying. Jesus agrees, and a great multitude followed Him and thronged Him (Mark 5:24). Thronged, literally means to choke or suffocate, the crowd was pressing in on all sides waiting to see what would happen.

It is in the midst of this scene that our lady finds herself. She had heard about Jesus, Mark doesnt let us know exactly she heard about this man but the Greek tense Mark uses is Aorist or a simple past tense. This may simply mean that she had previously heard and learned about Jesus, as oppose to just asking somebody in the crowd that day. However it happened, it must

have stirred something deep inside of her. So deep, she was willing to break custom, and fight her way through the crowd. Often, we picture an old woman crawling through the crowd reaching out her frail hand to grasp any part she can, before anyone sees or possibly recognizes her. The only problem with this picture is that if she was an old and frail woman crawling though a crowd so thick that it was suffocating, she would have probably been stomped on or seriously injured. Mark is also very clear in the word he uses to describe how this woman touches Jesus, it is not a quick grab of whatever she can reach, but the word used here literally means to fasten ones self to, adhere or cling to. There is a strength portrayed in how this woman touches Jesus, and what it took for her to actually get through the crowd to be close enough to Him in the first place. Everyone wanted to be close to the Master. The only modern day comparison would be of Bono or George Clooney walking through a crowd, in a developing country like Africa. Everyone is trying to touch some part of them and be near them. It would be impossible to be on the outside and fight your way to the center of the action, well near impossible that is.

This woman is like many in the Gospels. She is an outcast, through no fault of her own, but because she is sick. She has been bleeding for 12 years and though she has sought help on every front there has been no relief. Her sickness involves blood therefore she is unclean (Lev.15:25). There is to be no contact with this woman (Lev.15:19), and she should be announcing her presence wherever others are, so that they do not become unknowingly defiled. She was also divorced from her husband, not allowed to live in her home or to come into contact with old friends, was excommunicated from services at the Synagogue and not allowed in the womans court of the temple. She was alone in her sickness, seperated from her family, her

people, and her religion.

So, as we look at this story, you may ask, where exactly is this Messianic Declaration? I see an unclean woman doing what ever it takes to be healed by whatever means this man may be healing, but I don't see her calling Him Messiah.

To fully understand what is taking place I think we need to jump back into History. In Numbers 15:37, 38 The LORD also spoke to Moses, saying, "Speak to the sons of Israel, and tell them that they shall make for themselves tassels on the corners of their garments throughout their generations." The word used here for corners is Kanaf meaning extremity, edge, border wings or winged. So God told Moses to put tassels on the Kanaf of the garment.

This garment was called a Tallit, we would know it as a prayer shawl. The Prayer Shawl was a very intricate garment. The tassels had knots and some represented the 613 laws, some had knots that were spaced apart and represented letters. So that as you were walking and your hand fell upon a tassel, you would allow your fingers to feel the knots you would know that that tassel, perhaps, spelled the name of Yahweh and you would be reminded of your God. As you read further in Numbers, you see that God commanded this because He knew how easy it was for them (and us) to forget Him and His way. We are a tactile and visual people!

Even though it is believed that the daily wearing of the prayer shawl was diminishing in practice during Jesus day, at this time in our story, Jesus is still wearing His. We know this because in Lukes account (Lk 8:44) it says that She (the woman with the issue of blood) came behind Him, and touched the border of His garment and immediately her issue of blood was

stanched. The same word, Kanaf, is used here; she was clinging on to His Prayer Shawl. So, you may still wonder, how is this a Messianic Declaration? For that we must look back to Malachi 4:2. Malachi is making a prophetic statement as he says, "the Sun of Righteousness (a reference to the Messiah) shall arise with healing in His wings (italics mine). One of the defining words we mentioned earlier for Kanaf is wings. The prayer shawl was often referred to as wings, and when the arms were outstretched and the tassels were hanging it actually looked like wings. Through out the Old Testament, especially in the Psalms, when you see the word wings it is

often this word, Kanaf. It was thus believed, among the Jews, that there would be healing in His, the Messiahs, tallit (prayer shawl).

Let us now jump back to our story. This woman has heard of Jesus and she seems to put two and two together really quickly. Either this man is from Satan or uses sorcery to perform these seemingly miraculous acts OR He is something, someone, entirely different. The only other option is that He is the Son of God, the long awaited Messiah. If this is true then simply touching His tassels hanging on the Kanaf (border) of His garment would bring healing and restoration into her present life. She has made her decision and starts throwing elbows to get in close enough because she believes that this man is who He says He is and that is enough for her.

There is so much taking place in this story and so much to be gained from it. You have an unclean woman who is not only physically healed, but spiritually and socially as well. She is restored in society, no longer to be seperated and humiliated. The idea that Jesus knows that a little girl is dieing and yet stops to call out what has taken place, and lets everyone else know that this woman is now whole. This is also the only recorded time in scripture that Jesus used the term Daughter, as he says in Mark 5:34 Daughter, your faith has made you well. And yet, some have said that this woman had an ignorant faith, believing that Jesus used magic and there was magical powers in His clothes, But as we look into scripture, where she grabbed, what the Jewish people believed about the place that she grabbed, we can see that she was not ignorant as to where the power truly came from, but was referencing Malachi's promise that the Messiah would have healing in His Kanaf. We need not misunderstand the symbolism here. It is not to promote the transference of power to clothing, but we need to understand all that the prayer shawl represented to the Jewish people. It wasn't simply carrying around the 10 commandments in their wallet in case they forgot, but it was a reminder that God has laid out the way in His commands, and that it is the way that restores their relationship with God that was broken in the Garden so long ago. It was through theses things that they were connected to God, and yet Jesus has fulfilled all that the commands of God required. Through Him, we are now made whole!

Even though there is so much taking place here, for me it is this one fact that stands out. This woman hears about Jesus, sees Him, and makes a public decision. In front of everyone, she is not only begging for a healing like others, but she is saying I know that you are the Messiah. At a time when the masses were wishy-washy and the Disciples were confused, one woman makes it quite clear to everyone what she thinks of this Man.

That is the Messianic Declaration!

(Bibliography not included but you can post any reference questions and i will reply)

Love Dare

2009-03-18T10:48:00.002-04:00

Matthew and I have been going through the Love Dare challenge along with many other couples from our church. Our marriage is not in trouble or anything, of course we have our 'hard times' but I have been really blessed to have such an amazing husband who has never called me a name or been outright disrespectful even when I have chosen to say things that cross the proverbial line, he holds his tongue. The Love Dare challenge includes little assignments for each day. These are not suppose to be done out of guilt, they are simple ways to demonstrate love for your spouse.

While I was in prayer this morning a thought entered my mind. What if there was a 'Love Dare' with God. The point to this whole Love Dare thing is really just to keep your spouse in the forefront of your mind, to think about them and demonstrate how you feel toward them. So lets be creative... what are ways we could, in the midst of our days, demonstrate our love for God?

Just to be clear, I am not talking about "works". Doing things because you have to is not a demonstration of love. On the other hand, there are times when doing something we don't want to do unlocks something with in and we find life and love there. Motive is the key in Love Dare. The principle is that in the beginning you may start out doing things simply to meet the requirements of the assignment but as time goes by you begin to feel differently, see things differently, look for the others point of view. Now translate those same concepts to our relationship with God. In the midst of demonstrating our love, our love grows. In the circumstances that we don't understand we will find patience and may even begin to see how God sees what is going on. It could take our relationship to new levels.

I am not sure what the 'dares' should look like. For me I think of what God says that He loves, what matters to him and will build my dares around that. God loves truth, he loves patience, he loves when we show kindness. He also loves acts of service, especially for the under-dog. Maybe i can show love to a stranger, buy a meal for someone downtown, hold the door for the lady with the walker. Not just doing these things as a nice gesture but as a demonstration of my Love for God. I love God... God loves you... therefore, in loving you I am loving God.

What gets you in doesn't always get you out

2009-01-10T20:53:00.004-05:00

During this time of economic crisis I have found watching the news almost humorous. They parade these Guru's in front of us all claiming to have the cure but none of them able to get us out of the mess. This past week has been even more ridiculous than normal. I found myself laughing out loud as one of our self-proclaimed advisors said that the problem is my fault. American's, me, are only buying what we need, we are watching our money and trying diligently not to over spend. I almost choked on my coffee as he said this with disgust. The very thing that got us into this mess, people overextending themselves and buying things they couldn't afford and buying it on credit, this is what our "advisor" wanted us to start doing again. "We need to encourage the American people to get out there and spend money...start buying things again" He acted as if the fact that Americans are actually using wisdom is a bad thing. Now just to be accurate, it is a bad thing. If you have built an economy on the understanding that people are going to buy stuff they don't need and not just stuff they don't need but the top of the line stuff they don't need. Not just a new t.v. but a New Plasma 42'' built in DVD player t.v.!

I found all of this so amusing due to the fact that when this all went down every spokes person I saw on t.v. was emphasizing the fact that what led to this downfall was the combination of lack of regulations mixed with negligent credit/lending companies and throwing in a little bit of over extended home owners (those who either thru their own fault or the deception of the lending agency bought more than they could afford). Now some of those same people are saying that what we need to get us out of this mess is the very thing that got us into this mess. People buying stuff they don't need.

I know this will sound a little cheesy but I am proud of the every-day American right now. Every time I see people in the market using coupons for the first time or taking the 2 for one special while taking the expensive item out of their cart, I smile a little. Not because of the fact they might not be able to afford it but because they are making an effort to give up what they might want and get what they need. I am proud that this past Christmas sales were down. I am also sad that it will mean that many people, Good People, will loose their jobs. Companies who built themselves and their products on people over extending themselves are now suffering and it effects all of us. I do hope though that this time will serve as an Economic Awakening in America. Maybe its unattainable, maybe we will stay greedy and as thing start to pick up we will go back to over extending ourselves. Slowly at first but in time back to normal.

As for my family, we have decided that we are going to live with in our means. I know that if everyone does this the economic guru's are going to need to come up with a better plan than getting Americans to buy more. Not only will we try to live with in our means but as our "means" increases we want to continue to live sensibly. This is our goal. We refuse to be another young couple with two kids and 20,000 in credit card debt. We have been able to avoid debt most of our married life and we are committing to stay that way!

What holds weight?

2009-01-03T16:45:00.005-05:00

If religion comprises rules you follow, faith is demonstrated by the actions you take"

When reading lately I have been stopping and thinking about what I just read. A novel idea I know and one I am sure I didn't invent. As I was reading Tribes (by: Seth Godin) the above section caught me and took up my mind for a little while. I began thinking, what are my actions? If I were to really look at the dailies of my life what do I do out of 'rules' and what is actually demonstrated by my actions (when I am not trying to 'make a point'). Is most of my time 'comprised' by rules or 'demonstrated'. Even those two words in themselves communicate a heavy message. I don't have an answer of course, all I know is that I need to spend more time on the question. Maybe we all do. Religion isn't necessarily bad but as Seth also points out in Tribes "Religion works great when it amplifies faith"... "at its worst, Religion reinforces the status Quo, often at the expense faith.

So what is my Religion and what is my Faith?

A 'new' thought

2008-12-28T21:37:00.003-05:00

I had an interesting experience the other day. Well, it was actually normal for most people but for me it was something I have never experienced before.

My husband, Matthew, was at work and I was home with the kids for the day. My youngest was down for a nap and my oldest was on his way to his. It was a laid-back day. I spent some time surfing the web, mainly looking at places to live in Arizona b/c lately I have really wanted to move there. Next I put my boy to bed came back down stairs and did nothing I wasn't really tired and there was not anything 'pressing' that had to be done but more than that I didn't feel like doing anything. That is the interesting thing. I have never felt like doing nothing and then proceed to do nothing. When my kids woke up they wanted to play together in the same crib for a few min. its a novelty they enjoy for some reason so I took the opportunity to lay down in the guest room so I could hear them but give them privacy. As I laid on the futon I prayed 'God pleas help me, I don't feel like doing anything!'. Then I had a though, a thought I have honestly never had before, "What if there's nothing wrong with that?". I don't know where it came from but it is very foreign to my natural way of thinking. I am a doer. I can always find things to do. I have just done nothing! I know what 'nothing' looks like, there are days my husband is a master at doing 'nothing'. Thats not a slam, there are times I envy his ability to just be and not do, but I never knew what that was like.

There is actually an art form involved in doing nothing. If you do it all the time you are just lazy, if you do nothing but let your mind spend the whole time thinking about what you should be doing or need to do then you just wasted your time. I had spend the day feeling horrible about myself because I wasn't 'doing' anything and didn't want to, but as that thought entered my mind ("what if there's nothing wrong with doing nothing?") the guilt began drift away. It was a rather shocking moment for me to be honest. I only hope that the next time that feeling comes around I can embrace it and enjoy it and let it be useful.

So here's your assignment, for the few that even read, do nothing and let it be useful.

Honoring my Mother

2008-12-04T15:07:00.004-05:00

Losing a parent is never easy. My mother passed away seven years ago today, December 4th, 2001. She was diagnosed in 1995 with Breast Cancer. At the time my parents were separated and my mom and us girls were living in government housing while she worked stocking shelves at a BigLots for literally $4.15 an hour. She took the job because it would allow her to see us off to school and be home right before us. She always thought of us. After she was diagnosed we moved back into our old house w/my dad. I don't really remember much of anything about that time except that I peeled a lot of carrots, so much so that my hands had an orange tint to them. They found out really quick that my mom was allergic to chemo. It made her so sick and didn't do anything to the cancer...so she went all natural. The woman drank 64 oz of home made carrot juice a day. She said that God told her to do it. She mixed the carrots w/a small amount of onions and apples to help sweeten it up. I don't know how she drank that stuff but some days it was all she could keep down. Not to long after, to everyones surprise, she entered remission. The cancer was gone and life went back to normal. Well normal for us which was pretty dysfunctional. The dysfunctionality grew and soon my parents were divorced. After a few years both my sisters were married and out of the house and it was just me and mom. I was in the last few teenage years of my life. Our relationship was changing though. It was turning into the parent/friend stage. We had long talks, went out to eat a lot with each other, we spent a lot of time together. Of course thru part of this I "hated" her and didn't want her telling me what to do and we had our fights but for some reason our relationship was different. Once I hit 17 God started to do something w/in me. I started changing and I wasn't as angry or rebellious. Thats when our relationship really went deeper. We would stay up until 2 in the morning talking about God and studying the Bible together. We were a lot alike in our giftings and our personalities. Shortly after mom started to get sick again. the Dr.'s had many different idea's...one even swore it was emphysema from when she smoked as a teen. Right off the bat I knew that it was cancer. I still have the journal entry i wrote in. I knew it was cancer and that this time she wouldn't make it. It wasn't a lack of faith or that I didn't believe in miracles. It was just something I knew. My mom knew it as well. We used to talk about it. I remember seeing her in the hospital and some of the people from the church were there and they were all talking about what it would be like when she was healed and walking around again. She told them that she knew God would heal her. After they left the room she would tell me that her 'healing' was coming in heaven.

So on December 4th 2001 she received her healing and moved on from this world.

Linda Lou Brinkman was an amazing, faithful woman of God. She was a model of character and compassion. She was a home-missionary to the homeless of Westminster, MD. She cared for them and treated them better than anyone they had ever encountered. I only wish I was able to have time with her. Time to learn from her, to ask her questions, parenting questions or faith questions. I truly miss her. Her greatest desire was to be closer to Jesus. And now she is spending eternity fulfilling that desire. I can only hope that in the end of my life I can look back and say that I was at least 1/2 the woman of God I consider my Mother to be.

I love you mom,

your daughter

My Husbands Success

2008-11-28T20:59:00.002-05:00

I have realized that I am over-joyed when others I love succeed! Recently my husband, Matthew had another Article published. I married a writer, a very good writer. The difference between this article and other works he has had published is that this one comes with a CHECK!!! This is his first payed publishing. When he received the e-mail requesting to publish his article in their magazine I about jumped out of my seat and let out a yip-eee!!! He has worked so hard and come so far and to see his success first hand brought so much joy to my heart. It was encouraging to both of us, more so for him I am sure considering he has been writing since he was a teen-ager sitting in coffee shops in upstate New York. All in all it served as another reminder that we are going in the right direction.

Happy Anniversary

2008-11-14T14:26:00.001-05:00

My husband Matthew and I just celebrated our 5 year anniversary. It was interesting considering I never thought, nor wanted to get married and I had sworn off children long before we ever met. Now 5 years and 2 kids later I am more surprised by the fact that we are still happy and still like each other. Sure we have our ups and downs, our dis-agreements and fights but we are committed to work it out and to stay honest. I guess in the end its not so much love that wins but willingness. I love Matthew even in the midst of horrible times but it is the willingness (on both parts) to do what ever it takes that demonstrates that love and keeps it growing.

Considering where we both came from I am so grateful to God for helping us thru these past 5 years and for placing people, couples in our path to show us the 'what NOT to do's and the what to do's. Couples who let us see them fight, love, raise kids, have fun ect. and our success is, in part, due to them and their willingness to be open with their relationship.

I don't know what the next 10 years will hold for us but I am positive of this fact; if we continue to stay open and willing we will still be happy and still enjoy each others company. Probably even more so. For that I am truly excited!!!

2008-11-04T09:47:00.003-05:00

I was thinking about the 'division' factor the other day as I was driving thru a 'Middle-class America' neighborhood. As I looked at the various houses I was amazed at how many people had 'staked' their claim in their front yards. Their was a sign for "McCain" and then next door one for "Obama", one for "Mitch" and across the street "Ditch Mitch". I wondered as I drove how much division this caused between the neighbors. Were they less likely to smile and wave, talk about the Notre Dame game or shoot the breeze while they took out the trash? Were they less likely to help out in simple situations? Maybe not, maybe it became a spring board for conversation about how they really felt and where they stood on things.

I guess I am left to wonder. But what I wonder even more than that is will I ever be so passionate about a 'man' that I would stake his name in my front yard for everyone to see where I stand?

blink people!

2008-10-21T20:02:00.003-04:00

I slowly became irritated the other day as I was driving to the bank. It appears that the little stick that comes out of the steering wheel that good drivers use to SIGNAL when they are turning are lost on the other drivers. I was actually driving safely if I do say so myself, but other drivers were waiting to let me in on their secretive destination by declining to use that creative signaling devise. I almost rear ended 3 different vehicles. Good thing I was paying attention and not texting like the driver next to me who crossed the lane lines nearly sending me into the curb while i was braking to avoid the 'un-signaler'. I found myself yelling at the driver in front of me "Just Blink! Use the stinken blinker people. It's built into the car!"

I love driving

where have all the parents gone?

2008-09-09T20:43:00.003-04:00

Seriously, where have all the parents gone? All week I have seen little people doing things with no big people in sight. How do you let a kid whose only 1 1/2 years old play outside all by them selves. Sure the mom may be in the kitchen looking out the window every minute or so but is that really enough time to get outside in case of emergency? Now its only fair to mention that I have only been a parent for a little over two years so I have not had as much time to make some of the mistakes I may point out in the rest of this thought.

I sat outside tonight on the steps so my boy could play in the yard. He is a little over two years old and loves the outdoors. So I gave in tonight and played outside with him while his little sister (10 months old) took a nap. 'Mommy time' as we call it. As my boy was playing with his trucks my mind wandered to the kids playing across the street. The oldest was maybe 7 and was going back and forth between inside the house and the back yard, the middle girl, who was looking after her younger sister, was maybe 4 and the youngest was under 2 years old. The middle girl was walking with the youngest back and forth across the street and telling her to look out as cars passed by. Then the oldest and the middle girl went inside and the 'baby' was in the back yard crying while laying in the grass. I watched stunned not knowing what to do. What am I suppose to do? I wanted to run over and pick her up and hug her and tell her it was o.k. and take her to her mom. Grand idea huh? Then I looked at my boy who is too young to be left alone in the yard or near the street while I ran over to help this little girl. And lets be honest after I knocked on the door holding the neighbors baby I have a feeling she wouldn't have smiled and thanked me but probably knocked me out for picking up her baby while she had things under control.

Still I sat paralyzed feeling like something was terribly wrong. This comes on the heels of seeing a little boy, maybe in first grade, running across a four way stop street to then take off down the side walk running far from the direction in which he came. I went thru the stop turned around and drove in the direction the boy was running but I had lost him and could not find him. I felt sick. Truth be told he was probably o.k. and running home for dinner but still I could not fathom an instance where I would let Samuel, at 7 or 8 years old, run thru a busy intersection and around the block to come home. I hope the boy is o.k. I didn't know what to do when I couldn't find where he went. Just like I didn't know what to do about the young little girl crying with her face in the grass across the street from me.

So I looked at my little boy who took the book I was no longer reading out of my hand, put it on the ground and pulled me up to play with him. So I played with him. For the next hour I played. The parents of the kids across the street, both who had the kids at very young ages themselves, finally came outside to yell at the kids about how they wanted to leave and the kids better get their stuff together then yelled at the baby for taking her shoes off, packed the kids into the cars and drove off. Thats when I felt really sick. This is their life. For the next 15-18 + years this is their family. Maybe that is a leap but this is not just based off of one afternoon sitting on the steps out front. This is from observation since the 'kids' got pregnant a few years ago soon after I moved in. So I sit here tonight thinking what should I have done? What could I have actually done? What can I do know? Do I just let all of this ruminate?

I firmly believe that we have a community responsibility, that it takes a village to raise a child and all that stuff. But I have no clue how that practically works out and where the lines are to be drawn.

Anyone who can help me with this please feel free to chime in.

2008-08-28T23:17:00.002-04:00

"When he (Barnabas) came and had seen the grace of God, he was glad and encouraged them all that with purpose of heart they should continue with the Lord" (Acts 11:23)

As I was reading in Acts the other day this phrase seemed to jump out at me: "with purpose of heart... continue with the Lord". So I start looking at what they meant by purpose and I found that in the Greek (the language of the New Test.) it suggests a deliberate plan, a proposition, an intention, design. (word wealth NKJ study bible)

Our relationship with God is not just some hap-hazard walk, not something we just stumble onto and clumsily try to make headway with. Or maybe the problem lay in the fact that for most of us that is exactly how our relation with God is: happenstance.

In Acts, Barnabas encourages these 'new' believers to continue with the Lord purposefully. Be intentional in your walk with God. Any spouse knows that a relationship does not just sustain itself on random encounters. You have to daily remind self to be selfless, to show love and understanding even when your tired, to listen when you want to be the one speaking and so on. This is how our relationship with God is. Of course at times this all comes naturally and we find ourselves talking and listening and growing and its great. Then there are other times when we have to remind ourselves to 'go to a deserted place and pray for a while' to regain what we didn't know we were slowly losing.

My thought for the day... what is your purpose of heart' to continue in the Lord. How are you being intentional?

unforgiving world

2008-08-19T22:14:00.002-04:00

Hung Xa of china had a close to flawless routine tonight, well tonight for where I am from. Over and over the commentators were amazed and spoke praise and accolades for the mans routine. Then he makes a mistake. That mistake is all that was replayed, all that was mentioned from that point. We live in an unforgiving world. A world in which it doesn't matter if 9 out of 10 things you do are near perfect all that is replayed on the 10 o'clock news in the one small part where your hand slips off the bar and catches under your arm then the clip is cut right before you lift yourself back up again to finish the routine by doing a few summersaults and land standing tall with your hands in the air.

a problem

2008-08-19T10:32:00.004-04:00

Do you ever find that while you are reading your mind can take a tangent off of an authors seeming tangent and you find yourself thinking about something totally different than the main topic of the book you were enjoying? As I was sitting at Starbucks the other day this very thing happened to me. The author (M. Robert Mulholland Jr.) went on a seemingly incongrous "tangent" about the suicide rate of youth and then the elderly (which at one point was double the youth rate). He (the author) began to describe the problem: as a culture, we determine people's value by what they do for us as a society. A teenager flipping burgers or an older person collecting their retirement doesn't count, aside from us lusting in our minds of what it will be like when we don't have to get up early and go to work anymore. This was the point where I should have put the book down because I will inevitable have to reread the rest of the chapter again since I missed everything the author said after sharing this problem.

The questions I couldn't get out my head are as follows:

Whose responsibility is is now? Whose 'job' is it to fix the problem? I think it is our job as christians. In scripture the early church looked out for the orphans and the widows those who couldn't fully look our for themselves, those who were displaced due to things outside of their control.

Secondly, How? How can we give back a place in society for people who in our won minds we find very little need of in our day-to-day life? How do we transform our own thinking to see people based on the quality of who they are not what they can or can't do. How do we fix this problem with out just finding a place for them to "do" more stuff so they become valuable again, but really place value on who they are. I am talking about more than just plugging people in now so they feel useful, I am talking about changing this cast system we have in the west and placing value on people simply for who they are, for their being.

This goes beyond just the elderly but to all 'those' that we simple place out of our minds: kids, teens, elderly, homeless, orphans, the drug addicts, the abused, all those who have been displaced.

Lastly, what am I suppose to do about this problem. Not the church or the government but me personally? How can i transform my own mind and live in a way that includes the displaced and those who are often overlooked or left out? What can I do?

As you think about theses things please add in the comments ways we can get involved and change the way things are.

Paying dues.

2008-07-26T10:58:00.000-04:00

At some point everyone has to suck it up and pay their dues. It seems like this is what my husband and I have been doing for the last 4 almost 5 years. We were married young, well i was young-20 compared to his 26 years of age, and now 41/2 years in we have 2 kids and still aren't doing what we really want to be doing. For a while we just chalked it up to the fact that we were a young family and we just had to pay our time. I was working a full time job, a part time job, and taking care of things at home while my husband, a stay at home dad, was also working part-time and trying to finish his novel (which is amazing). Life is crazy. We are tired - all the time. The kids hate it. So we have been trying to figure out if we have payed enough dues or if there never were any dues in the first place.

4:30 am I am at work putting an order away while listening to a podcast by Mosaic (church). The guy is talking about faith. I had been praying asking God if i should stay at my full time job or not, I felt like God said "its time to leave this job" i of course thought this was crazy and just me not wanting to get up at 3:30 am anymore but then i asked what i would be doing instead since we needed the $$$ and God told me that i wouldn't find out until after i stepped out in faith and left this job then he proceeded to tell me that for confirmation I was to go home and than night, after we put the kids to bed of course, i was suppose to pray with my husband and say these words "God i feel like you told me what i am suppose to do now i ask that you tell Matthew". So I did. It took a while. Matthew didn't like it at all and thought i was pressuring him so I explained again what God had told me and we tried again and Matthew, not knowing at all what God had told me got confirmation from God.

Fast forward...I put in my resignation and now I am waiting on what God has for us. I am terrified. But I am only 25 years old right now and I would rather be doing this now than when I'm 40 years old with a mortgage and teenagers and everything else that comes as we "grow up".

So here's to paying dues and trusting God

Computer repairs gone bad

2007-08-28T17:13:00.000-04:00

The conversation went as follows:
"So do i have to do anything to the computer before i send it in?"
"No, we just need to re-install the driver for your internet connection to work properly"
What happened was they wiped the whole computer, all our files, all our family pics that i didn't have hard copies of yet, everything, and then said...
"in the terms and agreements of the contract it state that we are not responsible for lost files"
Ahhhhhhhhh.
Its like going taking your car in and the contract states that they are not responsible for 'lost or stolen stuff' but then they park it in a back alley, unlocked, windows down and keys on the front seat.
SO yea...not very happy

2007-08-14T17:00:00.000-04:00

"Anger and Greed. What else is anger than the imulsive response to the experience of being deprived? When my sense of self depends on what others say of me, anger is a quite natural reaction to a critical word. And when my sense of self depends on what i can acquire, greed flares up when my desires are frustrated. thus greed and anger are the brother and sister of a false self fabricated by the social compulsions of an unredeemed world."

"and the place of salvation is called desert, the place of solitude"

-Henri Nouwen
'the way of the heart'

deceiving

2007-07-25T08:13:00.000-04:00

Loneliness is a very tricky little bugger... It really has nothing to do with how many people are around you or the quality of those people. All it really has to do with is you. That is part of why it is so deceiving. I've been thinking about this a lot lately and watching people and how they respond to this phenomenon and it always seems to amazes me. Typically I see two reactions: Retreat or Attack. Either people (myself included) pull further away from life and people when they are feeling this way or they seem to lunge out; becoming controlling of people and circumstances trying to stage everything just right and keep people as close as possible and yet in the end they are just as lonely and people like them less. Neither reaction is a healthy one and neither seems to get rid of that lonely feeling...and I really have tried both of these options from every angle I can think of. Most often I don't think we are even aware of why we are lonely. When ever this feeling creeps into our life so unsuspecting as it does we either just accept it as 'another lonely day' (as Ben Harper would call it) or we chalk it up to whatever circumstance or situation we can think of. Loosing a job, breaking up, a fight with a spouse, kids, too tired, last night's pizza, not enough friends...anything we can think of that explains it, even if only for a moment seems like a little relief but we are still stuck with the feeling for however long it sticks around. Or are we? I am not one to believe in hopelessness. Its probably the logical side of me that says there has to be a reason and there has to be a solution, I just have not found it yet. I am getting closer though. I do think that part of loneliness is situational. But when it is something that keeps coming back like a boom-a-rang we should look a little deeper. The situation, though it may be real, is only showing me something that is already there I just wasn't seeing at the moment. So then, my next step is to deal with the part that's already there. The only way I know to do that is through God. Nothing else I've tried has worked so I might as well try going through Him on this one. If you don't believe in God, or just don't like Him right now...I'm not sure what the answer is for you. If you find another way that doesn't just get rid of it for a week or so but actually gets you through it let me know. If not I'd say try another option.