A worthy Legacy

This month marks eleven years since the passing of my Mother, Linda Lou (Hoban) Brinkman. This week my Sister found a letter that my Mom wrote to me when I was around 13 years old, that she never gave to me, or if she did I forgot because I was only 13. She opened the letter by calling me her 'Angel' and reminded me about ten times in three pages that I am a messenger of God, and that is why God had her name me Angela, which as it happens means messenger of God. She reminded me to always follow the call of God and to walk in obedience. Nothing in this letter was new, my Mom was always great with words and communicating her love to us, she never failed to encourage us, so this letter was not the 'here's all the things I wish I had said to you more often' kind of letter. It was all the things she was constantly telling me to the point of my annoyance. While the whole letter was an emotional read to say the least, it was her final words that hit the hardest: "Know that God will be a Father to you and a Friend to you. He wants to be your JOY and DELIGHT... Though He is a Father, know that He has the heart of a Mother. A heart of unconditional love and compassion." Reading these words I was reminded of Jesus' own words for the Jews, weeping over them, wishing He could gather them together like a hen does her chicks under her wing (Lk.13:34); and of Gods promise to comfort Israel as a mother comforts her child (Is. 66). You see, my father was not the greatest Dad for the majority of my life, so from early on God was my only Father, even though I was terribly angry with Him and misunderstood Him, still He was all I had. My Mom reminded me of these words one other time, it was the last time I saw her before she passed. She knew that I knew God was my Father and that God had been filling that role in my life but she wanted me to know that when she left this earth I was not alone, I was not an orphan, just as God was my Father, He would also be my Mother. All the roles that are divided between parents in the care, nurturing, and development of their child, God would fulfill. I have treasured those words in my heart! My Mom wrote this letter toward the end of her first bout with cancer, of which she survived and went onto five years of remission. As we celebrated her fifth year and looked forward with hope my Mom fell ill again and after five years of cancer-free check-ups the cancer had returned and spread through out. I had wonderful conversations with my Mom during this time, and many tears, but she would always remind me to stay close to God and to trust in Him. These are the things I will forever hold onto. Not because it was what she said to me towards the end of her life but because I had watcher her live those words from the time I was young. Now the best way I know to honor her memory is live in a like manner, walking close to the Father, listening to His voice, and following His path no matter where it may lead. And that is the legacy I hope to leave my kids...the same as my Mother left to me... may it go on through each generation until Christ returns Amen!

Honoring my Mother

Losing a parent is never easy. My mother passed away seven years ago today, December 4th, 2001. She was diagnosed in 1995 with Breast Cancer. At the time my parents were separated and my mom and us girls were living in government housing while she worked stocking shelves at a BigLots for literally $4.15 an hour. She took the job because it would allow her to see us off to school and be home right before us. She always thought of us. After she was diagnosed we moved back into our old house w/my dad. I don't really remember much of anything about that time except that I peeled a lot of carrots, so much so that my hands had an orange tint to them. They found out really quick that my mom was allergic to chemo. It made her so sick and didn't do anything to the cancer...so she went all natural. The woman drank 64 oz of home made carrot juice a day. She said that God told her to do it. She mixed the carrots w/a small amount of onions and apples to help sweeten it up. I don't know how she drank that stuff but some days it was all she could keep down. Not to long after, to everyones surprise, she entered remission. The cancer was gone and life went back to normal. Well normal for us which was pretty dysfunctional. The dysfunctionality grew and soon my parents were divorced. After a few years both my sisters were married and out of the house and it was just me and mom. I was in the last few teenage years of my life. Our relationship was changing though. It was turning into the parent/friend stage. We had long talks, went out to eat a lot with each other, we spent a lot of time together. Of course thru part of this I "hated" her and didn't want her telling me what to do and we had our fights but for some reason our relationship was different. Once I hit 17 God started to do something w/in me. I started changing and I wasn't as angry or rebellious. Thats when our relationship really went deeper. We would stay up until 2 in the morning talking about God and studying the Bible together. We were a lot alike in our giftings and our personalities. Shortly after mom started to get sick again. the Dr.'s had many different idea's...one even swore it was emphysema  from when she smoked as a teen. Right off the bat I knew that it was cancer. I still have the journal entry i wrote in. I knew it was cancer and that this time she wouldn't make it. It wasn't a lack of faith or that I didn't believe in miracles. It was just something I knew. My mom knew it as well. We used to talk about it. I remember seeing her in the hospital and some of the people from the church were there and they were all talking about what it would be like when she was healed and walking around again. She told them that she knew God would heal her. After they left the room she would tell me that her 'healing' was coming in heaven. 

So on December 4th 2001 she received her healing and moved on from this world. 

Linda Lou Brinkman was an amazing, faithful woman of God. She was a model of character and compassion. She was a home-missionary to the homeless of Westminster, MD. She cared for them and treated them better than anyone they had ever encountered. I only wish I was able to have time with her. Time to learn from her, to ask her questions, parenting questions or faith questions. I truly miss her. Her greatest desire was to be closer to Jesus. And now she is spending eternity fulfilling that desire. I can only hope that in the end of my life I can look back and say that I was at least 1/2 the woman of God I consider my Mother to be. 

I love you mom, 

your daughter