Thursday, January 28

Wasting a Lie

I have been mulling over a situation that happened about a week ago at the store and I still can't seem to shake it. Here's what happened...
I had just finished picking up a few food items at the supermarket and seeing as I only had a hand basket I decided to go to the self check-out line. Every time I have been in this grocery store they have us all gather in one line and then the first person in line moves to the first open check out station. When I arrive there are two men already standing in line, one behind the other. So I join and become the third person in a straight line. Well, it seemed that two of the people already checking out were running into problems with the computer and scanner and a third person had walked off in the middle of an order, leaving everything there, to go get something she forgot. Needless to say the line of three quickly grew to eight when a ninth woman walked up and appraised the situation. Instead of lining up like everyone else had, she decides to start a new line, so there would be two lines splitting between the opening registers. ** I know this may seem trivial but please stick with me** This woman, after getting looks from the others in line asks those of us standing there "Is there suppose to be one line or two here?" Her question was asked in a rather harsh tone and the woman herself looked pretty rough. Well due to the prior statement no one answered her, so I decided to. I told her that it was one line. Then she went off on me. "Do you work here?" "How do YOU know that?" (Hands were waving and voice was raising) Now I could have just told her the truth, that every time I come they have us get in one line and they tell the first person to move to the first open register but I didn't... I looked at her said "I asked" and then she went off on me again. I ignored her at this point realizing, as I should have in the beginning, that she was looking for a fight. Besides I was now the first in line and moved to the open register and started ringing up my few items.
My car ride home was consumed with this incident. I lied, for no good reason to someone I did not know and would probably never see again. Part of me wondered why this was bothering me so much and yet another side of me was grateful that I felt torn with such a 'simple' failure. I was glad that I was no longer o.k. with not telling the truth. I do not say this because I have a history of lying or am a pathological lier or anything, but in the moment, I made a quick decision and it was the wrong one. The other problem was that the situation was over and there was no way for me to correct it with the people I sinned against. I had to handle it solely between me and God. I feet guilty, and not in the little kid sort of way but in a real deep place. The great thing about this stupid moment in time was that it drew me closer to my savior. By the grace of God I do not worry about going out and committing some atrocity (by our societies standards), or a really "big sin" as we tend to look at things, but it was in this little mistake that I say how deep my sin really goes. My sin goes past cognitive decisions, past what I want to do in the moment, my sin overrides what I know to be right and sometimes I give into that Sin. I thank God that he is so much bigger than our sin, bigger than our failures, bigger than the weights we bear in this life. His grace is such that he shows us these shortcomings so that he can root them out of us, if we will let Him. I always want to want to let Him do this.
After leaving the grocery store and driving home, ruminating the whole time on my response in a pointless situation, I walked into our house and the only thing I could say to my husband was "I wasted a lie". I didn't really mean that I wasted one, I was just so surprised with myself that out of all the chances I have to lie I chose to do so over a check out line at a supermarket.