Today was no different! My little friend [I won't use her name so we'll call her 'd'] often ends up sitting on my lap or trying to sneak out of the room or throw a fit... what ever can draw attention and a hug from the person of her choice. While this can be very trying, especially when you have 60 other kids to think about, I have to come to realize I learn a lot from my encounters 'd'. Today after going and getting her out of a game room and bringing her to re-join the group (which meant that she was sitting on my lap begging for a back scratch) I had to get up quickly to handle a minor computer issue. She, of course, followed my to the computer. Just then another little girl came up to me and asked "why does 'she' get to be special and sit with you all the time and come back to the computer and stuff? (apparently being allowed anywhere near an electrical appliance = awesome in a kids mind) I didn't know how to answer. Kids have this desire for everything to be fair but for them to always get their way. How does that work. If you get your way that means somebody else didn't get theirs so it's not really fair because its not fair for that person. Right?
I was torn because, in a way, 'd' is special, not in a "i love her more..." sort of way but she comes from a very different place. She is only about 8 or 9 yrs old, her mother passed away a couple of years ago while in labor. That is only a small part of the story but for privacy sake that is all that matters for now. I remember sitting in church with my mom when I was little. She would let me sit on her lap or snuggled up close beside her and she would scratch my back. My mom scratched my back a lot...any time I was sad, sick, tired, or just asked she would gently let her fingers glide across my back and I felt so safe and just like the rest of the world melted away and everything sounded muffled. 'd' has no one to do that for her anymore.
Tonight, as I was folding laundry I came across a show that I have never watched and don't even know the name of (Sally Feild was in it) but it was on one of those touching grown-up daughter-Mother scenes where the Mother was reading the dedication on the inside of her daughters new book... it was to her- Mom who taught her how to be strong, how to fight etc... I welled up with emotion and all I could think was "God, I miss my Mom!" I don't get to walk into the kitchen and tell her what I think or ask if she wants to go do something... my kids never got a chance to meet the woman who gave me life and then taught me so much of how to and not to live it.
There are so many Sunday's when 'd' walks up to me and simply says "I miss my mommy" and I just put my arms around her and tell her that I miss my mommy to and then we sit together and I scratch her back.